Dr Malcolm Kirsh is a psychotherapist and counsellor with more than 20 years experience, working from his practice in Hendon as well as from The Hale Clinic and the Diagnostic Clinic in west London. As well as working with individuals, Malcolm also helps couples who are experiencing problems in their relationships. He stresses that there is no set programme for therapy and each person or couple may need only a handful of sessions, or something more long term. But in all cases, clients will receive only the best, patient, calm and friendly treatment in complete confidence.
Some reasons for and aim of psychotherapy
People go into therapy usually because of being in a crisis: when whatever they normally do in order to feel in control stops working and their strategy for coping breaks down. Often the catalyst is an event or change. Those who enter therapy don't want to feel something. With couples it is a fear of losing one's partner and with individuals it is the feelings that are experienced.
Individuals are helped to overcome their crisis. This might be initiated by just the act of doing something about it. Awareness and understanding are essential. This hopefully leads to a level of acceptance but without capitulation. Partly what is required is an awareness of the conflict we feel and the acceptance of the dilemmas we experience. Also, acceptance of our limited control. Then we can sometimes make real choices, making conscious that which previously we would have done subconsciously: that is automatically without awareness. This is not the same as analysing all the time. Most of us do too much of that anyway.
Couples, unfortunately, start therapy when there have already been problems for a long time. They have not addressed issues early on, either because of denial, believing that it will get better automatically, or that they will be able to fix it. This doesn’t happen. The issues become problems and the problems become a crisis. Hopefully this can be addressed and the couple can have a relatively well balanced relationship where both take responsibility for themselves. But it might be too late, so if they cannot be more well balanced together then maybe they can be so apart.
Sometimes therapy is very useful in other relationships, looking at communication problems and conflict for example. In family groups particularly (it might be very interesting) either involving just part of the family or the whole family and different combinations, possibly in the house, etc. (Dysfunctional families are a very topical subject). But therapy can also be very interesting in a business setting, looking at conflict, management styles and communication systems.
